Sheridan's Avowal
An open and frank declaration
Dealbreakers – #1 Flaky
01 year ago
by Sheridan
in Dealbreaker
Has someone asked you to do something, and then when you remember to do it, this person is surprised? Or they already did it “just in case” you forgot?
Or, have you said “oh, my bad” so many times that it no longer has any impact? If you can say in the same tone “Hi, how are you! [you failed to do X Y Z] Oh, my mistake! Did you see the latest inane reality show?” Then obviously success isn’t very important to you and failure has become ordinary.
If someone is going to have a strong bond with you, it makes it easier on them if you are reliable. Tasks can be split and stress can be lightened if multiple people can handle responsibilities assigned to them without the assumption of flaky failure. After continual letdowns, it is natural for an independent attitude to be born which can lead to panic, isolation, meltdowns, depression. Also, failures with small things means it is harder to graduate to bigger bond-building things.
In a relationship, this is a dealbreaker because I am not going to be able to manage my employment, my residence and my family with all those responsibilities. I don’t even like managing the responsibilities of one person let alone a household of people. When I give someone the responsibility to pick me up after a flight in a strange city, and they fail to show up, that really sucks (and I hope to never sleep in an airport again). Obviously nobody would choose a life of disappointment. I think if I had a wife who did not have the ability to take care of responsibilities and make things easier, there would be a lot of tension, disappointment, stress, and thusly, deal broken.
Twitterface
0Twitter.. “Random and incoherent as writing on a bathroom wall” – Mockumentary trailer about Twitter
I am not alone, but I think twitter is killing explored thought. You can express a small amount of information, or a slice of personality but it is so easy to sound generic, or to put on a front. I follow some random celebrities and the best ones are like Rainn Wilson known as Office’s Dwight. He presents criticisms of culture combined with his dry wit and a lot of images or articles to support his thought. He is up to 2 million followers and they all get to see this side of Rainn. I also follow the Prime Minister of Canada who tweets about govt policy, and humanitarian @billgates, tweets about saving the world
All of them show one identity; their twitterface.
The reason I think twitter is killing explored thought is that I can’t ever get a real sense of who Rainn is, or why is how he is, unless he goes on a crazy @kanyewest apology rant with 70 tweets in one night. This is absurd and not the point of twitter at all. The point is to be mindless and concise. Heartless even more than mindless. When you are communicating ‘fun’ thoughts to two million people, it is easier to not get your heart in the way. Without knowing your audience, the most surefire way to appeal to the most possible is to be highly generic. If you talk about something very specific with a long backstory, or what is sad, or happy, or issues in life, these two million followers may unfollow.
I think a major reason a lot of this happens is because people bear their own burdens and dont want to hear about others, or unload on to others either. As a populace we can be interdependent on a fun chit-chat level, but when it gets real, we become islands of isolation. There is some safety and predictability in this obvious human tendency to turtle up. You can’t really get additionally hurt if you dont let anyone in. Certainly the opposite is bad: being an emotional mess crying in front of everyone about getting dumped is heavily misguided and probably causes lost respect in general. I sometimes feel shameful in saying I have a blog since many of them are exactly this: Emo girl rants about boys, american idol, vampires and punk rock adds up to be excruciatingly painful to read.
So we need to put on a face that is appropriate for the relationship and communication medium. The most superficial and one-dimensional of them all is the twitterface. But there is also the workface, streetwalkingface, doctorface, and others. Sometimes a good workplace, or a good doctor will create an environment to allow more personality angles to shine through, but at the outset it is usually safest to be strictly professional, or strictly medicinal.
I feel uniquely comfortable with my blog because I feel able to present a lot more than I normally could in my day to day. I don’t have to worry about who can spend 5 minutes to read about my primitive thoughts on psychology or sociology because this is written to be written, not to be read. Twitter I think is more designed to be read. The workplace by definition revolves around getting work done. But a personal blog can be anything. Where else can one uninhibited to be who they want to be? Not twitter.
I am an appliance
0Written 09-July-2009, decided to post it today. It is meant to be understood in the last sentence, so read backwards if you so desire.
I am a kitchen appliance.
I can make toast. and I think that’s my most used function. I dont hate making toast. I make a lot of toast.
Some want to use me for mashing potatoes. That is certainly possible, but I don’t want to be a potato masher.
Some figure out other uses, reheating meals or chopping. Overall good use, but nothing another model can’t fill.
Others figure the odd attachments like a cork screw or nailfile that pops out and it fills them with such joy.
Only to be discarded for being the wrong color.
Maybe some want me to be that potato masher, and milkshake blender, and snap off those dumb ‘peripherals’ that get in the way.
And then there is the company who advertises for me and lists all the great features, some of which are understated, and some overstated. Maybe I can boil eggs, but I can also make a latte and filet a fish.
Being lauded by the advertisers doesn’t really count for that much anyway. Not that it is bad. but they have a biased perspective.
I just wish someone would use me properly, find things I didn’t know I could do, and never put me down. Like how my mom sees my dad.
Expression
0I believe expression is good and healthy. Especially for men, it is a challenge to find a method to express and still be strong, sane, and secure. However, without a method, I think people end up without resolution. There are few things I hate more than cyclical issues. A cyclical thought will drive me crazy until I can just break that cycle. On a larger scale, cyclical problems, or bad habits are something that I believe everyone deals with. Some excuse them as part of being their nature and work around it. To me this is a cop-out; while we still are breathing, can we not improve? Most certainly, some obstacles can never be overcome, but I would suggest they should not be in our path to begin with. The obstacles in our path, and self-created obstacles, are manageable by the simple fact that we have ownership over it.
So, with external obstacles, or self-inflicted ones, when we bump into them and it hurts, or surprises us, we might say “ouch” or “whoa”, “ah”. Some form of expression to acknowledge its existence. If you say “ouch”, and yet continue doing that activity, there may be two reasons for that. One may be a calculated plan for eventual good, or one may be stubborn idiocy. If you DONT say “ouch”, then perhaps it didn’t really hurt, or its not really a problem to resolve and it is “easier” to tolerate. You can choose to live in a house with broken glass on the floor, dead rats in the corner, and land-mines with warnings over them if you really want to play hopscotch in your own life. It isn’t fun to acknowledge problems, and it takes sometimes significant amount of work and courage to deal with them. Welcome to life on earth.
Start by saying “ouch”.
bleeding
0Imagine you are in a small time-warp western ranch town. In your travels, through whatever circumstance, you are on foot, wounded and bleeding.
The gas station is shut down. The sheriff is out chasing bad guys. The mayor is sleeping. The blacksmith is away at a smithing convention. The farmer is in a field with noisy machinery. The barber sees you, but for whatever reason, locks the door and flips his sign to closed. There is a drunkard on the street but he is not coherent to assist. A kid on a bicycle goes by, and offers to help, but his home is in the next town over, too far to walk. What are you to do?
Thankfully the doctor is in. And a doctor is exactly what you need. Thank God.
Now, how important was that farmer to you? If the barber was kind and generous, would it have made much difference? Can a blacksmith heal a bleeding man? No, not by trade. That is what the doctor is for. The best these others can do would be to give you directions but their usefulness drastically diminishes once the doctors office is found, with them, or without.
Back to blog. Five updates
0I dont think I’ve gone this long without blogging. I blame nothing happening that is longer than 140 characters, aka microblogging (twitter) is often sufficent, so why do I need to post here? when I can post there http://twitter.com/threeup
I like words and full expression. It is hard to pick up tone, or learn why someone thinks something. Microblogs are often just a fact, not an opinion. The style in which something is expressed I believe is part of the communication package.
Ok, now for some random anecdotes. (more…)
Making fun
0You might expect it to be a given, but as a game developer, I like to create fun for other people. And also have fun for myself of course. However this is not an automatic in this industry. Some people just want to get the job done and go home to their own world. Also some people do not find the game they make fun, either because they are no longer interested in games, or their own product is not good. Thankfully now I am with a group that makes fun games, and wants to make fun games. These two things are painstakingly obviously connected, but some companies don’t grasp this idea.
The past few months I feel like I’ve succeeded in creating a product that is fun, now this product needs to connect with the audience of gamers. This connection has not gone very smoothly and people keep playing against mostly AI which is less fun, but I have to trust that some people are having fun. The barrier to entry is low, but you do need to pay a membership cost to play. I got a free membership because I work on it, and have popped in the free realms world to see a crowd outside the big pirate ship where they start the game.
Here’s a vid I made, and here’s a screenshot of me owning everyone. I never have felt so guilty in beating someone — I did make the game after all.
pointless ambitions
02 years ago
by Sheridan
in Superficial
Have you heard the people who visit all the NFL stadiums, or collect a complete set of spoons?
How about the ones who absolutely must see a certain famous person before they die. Perhaps visit some holy land, either cultural or religious, for life ‘fulfillment’
People also pursue that Bachelors in Uselessness. Oh, I didn’t say that.
Actually perhaps pursuing something, anything, is better than no ambition at all. It at least gets you in motion and other things along the way might give you actual benefit.
Here’s my list, none of which I actually intend on seeing through.
#1 In 7 years, I want to be living, or visiting Louisville Kentucky
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Solar_eclipse_global_visibility_2017Aug21T.png
#2 I want to be a random background person in a Saturday Night Live skit trying to look cool, like a waiter.
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/hamm-and-buble/1198004/
(bonus SNL skit: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/closet-organizer/1197957/ )
#3 I would like something of mine in a museum anywhere. Hopefully because it is good and not because I vandalized or catastrophically failed.
http://www.missioninnmuseum.com/collect_aviation_lvl3/av00001_lvl3.htm
#4 Become the top search result for ’3up’ 9th on google and 3rd on bing!
http://www.bing.com/search?q=3up
That’s all for now.
Google Buzz Thoughts
0
As a user of twitter, google reader, picasa, youtube, and blog writing, I was initially intrigued about the concept of Google Buzz. It is basically an aggregated update about what google thinks makes up my online ‘life’. Photos of me, articles I like, random twitterish thoughts all can be pushed to people who subscribe automatically. Then they can comment directly on them or pass them on to their subscriber list. (more…)
Incommunicable autopilot
0For the past, month perhaps, my state of being has not been particularly communicable. The answer to, ‘how are you’, was often, ‘i dont know’. Then I didn’t really feel I had much of a place to start conversations with other people if I was unable to communicate with myself. I had some moments of automation which did not require the real Sheridan to be uncovered.
I can help people and be functional with work and things without actually being Sheridan. I suppose that is still who I am, but it has become second nature to the point where even if my imaginary dog dies, I can still help you with your boyfriend or explain the projectile motion used in my game. Because I can perform most tasks that I do in a normal week, I have not felt an urgent need to evaluate myself. People who ask how I am doing don’t really need to know. Nor do I. Auto-pilot Sheridan is pretty decent.
I found more and more solace in my foreign language music. When taking a break from kpop or jrock I jumped over to my original non-english love, french dancypop. I was excited for Lost again, a television show that has more things that don’t make sense, than ones that do. And some more music that messes with my head. Breakbeat Trip-hop.
I became fascinated about learning very random topics. Celebrated holidays in Korea including White Day, Green Day, Hug Day; the lunisolar calendar which I can’t really quite grasp how it re-aligns itself; Watching David Blaine explain how he can oxygenate his lungs and then go under water for 17 minutes with a near certain belief he would blackout; a Japanese pop star with a entirely computer generated voice and a green haired anime girl; these make up some of the things on my mind lately.
These things don’t really make sense, nor are they particularly relevant to anything in my life. It is easier to avoid thinking about my state if I keep my brain in a world in which I don’t participate in. I suppose that’s part of the appeal of role playing games, fantasy novels, and hallucinogenetic drugs. But I wouldn’t know from experience. Frankly they scare me.
So ya, brain disconnection. I will leave you with this JRock engrish gem.
“There is the time level that wants to bark at even whom.
I let you sing ’cause there is few it and is good, and send it.”
