An open and frank declaration
best
emo transformation complete
04 years ago
This blog sure has turned emo (<- urbandictionary content warning.)
I swear I laugh and smile sometimes.
But in order to truly be emo I need a shirt like this, so I bought one. hah 
oh chatty brain
0My brain is full of discussions with my brain. I talk to me and usually it goes along the lines that I write about in here. Therefore perhaps the blog is an extension of my brain.
In which case neither is faring too well. It isn’t fair maybe I should charge fare. Sometimes there is a fair in my head but no fair lady. Prospects look fair, and I am fair game. I need a chair for my flare but there is too much glare where I stare so I wear sunglasses both here and there and for my derriere. I dont want to meet a bear or a hare, but a lair of a mare with a rare hair would do.
I miss horses. I guess I really am an Albertan.
I'm a monster
0I was dissecting my dinner, a whole chicken. I felt like a monster, tearing muscles from the cartilidge and bone. Other chickens would hate me, and more than hate, but loathe, fear, shun. An enemy on the most basic of levels.
But hey, its just how it is, they are made out of meat, don’t hate me for being an omnivore.
I wonder if I can parallel this to a psychological or sociological insight. Like how some dentists rip out teeth but its just their job. A loved one might make you feel crappy, but maybe they are doing that for your own benefit. I dont think it translates to “some people are just bad and you have to deal with it” we have free will in behavior. I suppose we have free will in diet, but I just like meat too much. Rawr, i am eating your leg stupid bird!
that sounds depressing
04 years ago
A lot of things I like, sound depressing. Wandering around town listening to one of my favorite cds, unplugged jayz in particular, while looking at people or staring into the evening lights.
Playing video games until 5 am and not being able to get into regular sleep patterns for a few days. Drawing a picture of a flower or some deformed doll.
I like to go to movies by myself, I’ll even get a table for one
But it just sounds depressing. So I’m trying to do things that don’t sound depressing, and that actually is depressing.
I know I’m better off doing Sheridan things, as lame as they are. Why would I give passions I have for passions other people have? I think the problem is that some of my passions, like helping people aren’t very easy to realize. If my passion was beer, that’d be really easy to realize. Deeper passions require deeper digging.
—- I can’t tell if valleys are making me stronger or weaker. I’m not sure if the fact that I knew what I was getting into makes me feel any better about it. I don’t know what will happen to make things change. I want to grow, but I want to grow upwards, not backwards and when its so cloudy I can’t tell where this journey has taken me.
My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but
tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward,
and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
– Kodos gives a speech, “Treehouse of Horror VII”
warmaker peacemaker
0Sometimes I like to stir something up, to prove a point. This has been used against me a few times and while I feel loving honesty is still the first option, sticking it in someone’s face is an option I sometimes resort to. A third option that I also like is to just ask questions and not make it personal, the therapist method of dealing with things seems to be pretty smart. I try this a lot, but sometimes it just doesn’t have the oomph that a personal contrary opinion does.
However I think in reflection how often this conflicting opinion works. And if it does work, how much more effort is required to deal with the new hardship created. If the tone is attackful or forceful, these attacks knock someone down and they need to be lifted back up before any progress can be made.
I’ve learned strong harsh words takes a lot of wisdom, and truth, that I simply do not have on my own. I can’t demolish a wall without looking at the blueprints, I am not qualified. Pushing someone into the fire when they don’t want to be pushed is just a jerkish move. The reason I believe sometimes it works for me is because I am very solid in my foundation. Also I embrace the fire and how it burns away impurities. It might hurt or challenge me but I trust that the fire is good for me, even if someone pushes me in. Still, with the wrong motives it just causes hardships.
Also, sometimes I definitely do not try to stir anything up, I’ve learned some lessons on where its not my place to say something. But if even when I am trying to be gentle, it becomes a hostile environment, then I don’t think there’s anything else I can do. So unless both parties are interested in putting down the weapons and coming together, the only peace is distance. And like I said below, I hate losing on this relationship realm, but I have to deal with it and trust some good can be carried onward.
Loss – To carry value onward
0I used to be competitive in many areas and I hated losing. Now I realize that a game of dodgeball is not worth crying over if I fail or rules are broken, or whatever. It’s just dodgeball, the value of winning and losing is small.
However as i get older, the value of sports lessens dramatically, actually the value of almost everything lessens. It doesn’t really matter if I have the biggest house or if I make everyone laugh. But to me, it does matter how I connect to people. Relationships are key to me. In January I moved away, and losing a close frequent relationship my family and dear friends broke me just like the dodgeball used to break me. Except it broke much deeper.
It wasn’t all bad because I had strength in new hope. Change was important for me, I could make all new relationships and do a lot of new important things that required the sacrifice of life back home. I have found a lot of value and learned a lot in the loss of immediate connections. I am excited for growth and new relationships!
There is also value in relationships that have ended. Value is carried from those times and those people beyond the life of the actual relationship. Grade two isn’t a waste just because we dont see that teacher anymore. Those vital phonetics lessons are something we carry on with us! Everything my parents said a hundred times is still kept with me! So relationships that come and go can all contribute and even if it wanes or has an end, there is still value in it. This is one reason I accept death so readily. If a person lived their life and contributed, then awesome! When people die, I hope their loved ones can carry on the inspiration, good-testimony, encouragements and love. Just because the relationship is no longer active, doesn’t mean the value is lost.
——
Today I just lost a relationship over what amounts to philosophical and ideological disagreement. (which is the most important thing to me). I am not giving up a relationship for the prospects of new ones. It was just lost. :`-(
But I was me. And since not everyone is going to be able to deal with me, loss of relationship is just what happens. I trust some value can be carried onward. Otherwise it just is sad and I hate it.
Usually super hero
2I realize lately that lots of these posts are about weaknesses of mine or struggles I am not over coming yet.
But I feel like a superhero almost all the time. If you need someone to buy some groceries and carry lots of stuff, I am a super hero. If you need someone to sign some government form, I am a super duper hero. When it comes to work, I ooze greatness. When it comes to chatting up coworkers, there is none finer (ok there are some finer, but I’m on a roll)
If Sheridan comes into your mind, greatness will surely follow, because really, I came out of the womb that way. I bet even the way I came out was super. with a cape already attached perhaps. Ok, I think I over did this superhero thing… however the point still stands, I am a relatively confident person.
All greatnesss exceptions are written on this blog! This is a blog of kryptonites — full of my Mary Jane’s and achilles’ heels. Because how else do we get stronger other than shedding light on weaknesses and making efforts to improve? Making it public is a method of forced resolution. Even if this public is nameless and doesn’t actually get back to me, just letting it out there makes it more real.
But back to superheroism, I would be a black and pink super hero. I am not sure if there have been any like that. Hitman Hart had an ugly biker pink pants thing, he has no style. I am thinking sorta like dracula with his red suit lining but with pink instead. My killer move would be a baseball bat hidden in my back and a metal pen in my sock which I would throw behind me without looking.
I recently purchased a second pink tshirt, it is paler and I like it because I can probably wear it more often. I also bought a mario bros classic tee (with the image of the cartridge) that cost me more than the aformentioned pink fake versace t shirt. Hah. How about that for ebay! Versace is cheaper than some worn out game shirt.
smile
0I think making someone smile is pretty valuable. I tried to cheer up a hostess at a restaurant today, she smiled but I think she’s just a smiler. Also I can come up with a bazillion romance movie lines. I just don’t want to be the guy who delivers them. These lines might find success, but I realize in some situations any stupid line would work. Which is why I just say nothing and eat alone. Ya that makes sense. Well the spinach bacon cheddar omelette was very good so eating alone wasn’t so bad! Mmm…
–
Making guys smile is ridiculously hard, maybe I’ll leave that up to the ladies for some cross-gender smiling? I dunno. Its a silly game which I don’t really play. I think being nice and not a pig is confusing for a lot of people? I don’t know how to take what I give. I give cheer (even if i have none) so take it as cheer.
cause you know i’m just a big cuddly bear with lollipops on my belly 
-Sherbear
guess who
04 years ago
I sometimes think the dating game is like a big game of guess who. You know, the game with a whole bunch of faces flipped up and you ask questions to eliminate them. The smart ones eliminate the largest group with each question to save time. And time is important for two reasons, for one, being with someone special sooner is always a good thing and for two, this isn’t a solo game, there are other schmucks playing it too.
I , along with all singles I believe, play a lot of this game without making it too obvious I suppose.
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