An open and frank declaration
Counsel
Expression
0I believe expression is good and healthy. Especially for men, it is a challenge to find a method to express and still be strong, sane, and secure. However, without a method, I think people end up without resolution. There are few things I hate more than cyclical issues. A cyclical thought will drive me crazy until I can just break that cycle. On a larger scale, cyclical problems, or bad habits are something that I believe everyone deals with. Some excuse them as part of being their nature and work around it. To me this is a cop-out; while we still are breathing, can we not improve? Most certainly, some obstacles can never be overcome, but I would suggest they should not be in our path to begin with. The obstacles in our path, and self-created obstacles, are manageable by the simple fact that we have ownership over it.
So, with external obstacles, or self-inflicted ones, when we bump into them and it hurts, or surprises us, we might say “ouch” or “whoa”, “ah”. Some form of expression to acknowledge its existence. If you say “ouch”, and yet continue doing that activity, there may be two reasons for that. One may be a calculated plan for eventual good, or one may be stubborn idiocy. If you DONT say “ouch”, then perhaps it didn’t really hurt, or its not really a problem to resolve and it is “easier” to tolerate. You can choose to live in a house with broken glass on the floor, dead rats in the corner, and land-mines with warnings over them if you really want to play hopscotch in your own life. It isn’t fun to acknowledge problems, and it takes sometimes significant amount of work and courage to deal with them. Welcome to life on earth.
Start by saying “ouch”.
Spike vs Amoeba
0
I’ve admired some successful people who are absolutely focused on one goal and are at the top of their field. They push through trials and make many sacrifices to get to where they are, combined with raw natural ability.
But do I admire these people now? Umm, not necessarily. Maybe all those sacrifices were bad sacrifices. Is it better to be the number one physicist in the world and divorced, or number eight, with a happy wife?
Is it better to be the king of pop, or the duchess of dutch youtube covers?
Do you really want to be good at one thing and only one thing? Or maybe masterful in two, three four things as in the case of Michael and straight up twisted in so many other things.
Then there are the people who devote themself fully, and come up short. These are the majority but you don’t hear about them. How many people worked just as hard as michael jordan but never even played in a televised basketball game. Tons. They invested so much and could have made even bigger sacrifices, all for what?
There is the tragedy of being a circle also. I’ve tried to become more versatile, learning skills that I’m not normally good at. Drawing for one, and driving for another. Sometimes these versatilities prove to be useful, or expand my horizons. However if I spent an equal amount of time drawing as driving as programming, then I don’t think i’d be good enough to make a living at any of them. Also, if I am in the mix of a large group of people, all the master at a few things, and I can adequately perform the same tasks at a lower rate. Am I important? If something had to be done, then the master would be the best to do it. In baseball, the utility players are often what you describe the bench players since the starters all have a mastered role.
Being average at everything also makes you pretty boring I think. Nobody is enthused by someone with twenty passions. University degrees sometimes try to encourage well-roundedness. But when all is said and done, a single degree has a single subject and single focus. Gone are the days where generalists can tend the farm, build a shack, herd some goats and charm the damsels. Now we value specialists, but when they go too far, who is there to catch them? Do we even care that they fall? How many of us just look for those opportunities to become even better in that one category and who are we to assume we can navigate the narrowing cliff side without disaster?
For others spikes or amoebas might be perfect for them, or lead them to ruin. I try to be a raindrop although …
if (currenttime-time < lately) { setmode(spike); }.
Ya, I went there. Point proved.
fear storm
0An analogy:
Fear is a bad wind. The wind can blow, push you in a direction. Those winds can pick up, and leaves and garbage can be flung at you. If it gets fierce, you could be thrown yourself, or get dragged out to sea, consumed in all directions by a storm. Perhaps it is a tornado that throws you up in the air with the cows and tears your house apart.
So how do you handle fear? Hold on to something tight that is firm and true. Surround yourself with concrete walls or dig yourself an underground bunker. For the strong and wise, fear can have no pushing effect. Just hold on tight. Don’t go sailing into the ocean if you can’t handle fears that come. And they will come.
Three Christians
1When someone is described, or describes them self as a Christian, after learning more about them, I find they fit in one of three categories:
*1* Those who are Christians to be more effective and justified wrongdoers
*2* Those who are Christians and wrongdoers, trying to balance the two, publicly or privately
*3* Those who are Christians trying to be like Christ, rightdoer.
and for completion sake:
*4* Those who are Christ, and perfect.
I find it hard to use the term because the world HATES the first two, so much so that often people assume more wrong comes from Christians than someone with “no belief system”. #1 is obvious, examples being “missionaries” who committed genocide, #2 has many examples of those who love with their left hand, hate with their right, hypocrite and Christian are two oft related words sadly. Most are never exposed, but that doesn’t make it much better.
The world hardly knows #3. It takes effort, humility, surrender, love, discipline, and can so rarely be evaluated on a group basis especially when skeptics are proved right when one person fails. A group can’t know another group intimately by definition and #3 is personal. I would find it much easier to wear the Christian banner loudly if this were the only type of Christian or I could name each category succinctly and we could all go in our own ways with three separate labels. But nope, we’re stuck with this messy one. Christian.
#3 is in many ways, humanly impossible, who has those qualities on their own? Which mortal can say, “Oh, I’m perfect by nature” It’s so much easier, and natural to fall into #1 or #2, which is why the world expects it, and will be all the more pleasantly and deeply surprised when they are shown otherwise, not by the group of association, but by personal genuine testimony.
Aside: I think people with claim to have no belief system or religion, have a religion, usually a humanist religion. Perhaps they have a laissez-faire social darwinism religion, let everyone be, passivity or apathy. But when it comes to good and bad, right and wrong, having no opinion is not really an option. To have no beliefs is to have no mind and soul.
Relationship shoebox theory
0I think the most common relationships are like shoeboxes. They best work when each person puts in a shoe of similar size and weight. Also, both shoes should fit in the box. Personally I have lots of shoeboxes and it works out pretty well by recognizing that.
Things change though when you decide to move a refrigerator. Maybe you start putting your condiments in there, a jar of pickles, tub of yogurt. If one person dominates all the tall items section like with milk, ketchup, juice cartons, it could crowd the other out, or it could be perfectly fine. Depending on the capacity of space, and nature of people. Again, just having the door close keeps the relationship happy.
You can move to the closet where jackets can go, maybe some space for some baggage, or odd things like a skeleton, or pet cougar.
Eventually, maybe with the special person, you just share a house, and all your crap goes in there and it all fits and this game is just over.
However, it breaks down when you have to go backwards. If you have already put a few items in the fridge, where do they go in the shoe box. Do you not put shoes in there any more? What happens to the big jug of milk? Its going to go bad, and its gross.
I think the only way to go backwards is if everything in the fridge got eaten and you dont need it anymore. Perhaps there are other boxes to store your luggage. Cause otherwise leaving stuff outside the box, I’d say is worse than having no box in the first place.
retro post, don't mind
0Oh Dr Seuss, I do like green eggs and ham, you are so wise.
on August 24th, 2006
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
– Dr. Seuss
ldr
03 years ago
As a recent victim of LDR, long distance relationship, I have to look back as to what it was all about.
In one of my peak moments, someone asked me how it was dating someone far away. I told them it was flat out awful, why would I say such a thing? When it blows up in my face, how would I describe it then? Well let me try. LDR’ers good luck! You’ll need it.
Appreciating vs Rebuking
1I like when other people feel appreciated; to give a resource that is given without cost? Except it is not anything actually given, but shining light on values already existing. Perhaps it is digging in someone to find jewels or oil and then letting them know that they have it. It is more than just complimenting though because appreciation is noting the value of actions performed on a small or large scale. Compliments are merely about attributes or potential. Therefore appreciation is the true recognition of being a good person.
However there is anti appreciation? What happens when you find something about someone that is a weakness or ugly? Rebukement I suppose is the name, and again it is more than just an insult. Insults point out weaknesses on the whole, which is deflating because what can you do about that? Rebuking is isolated to an action or aspect and counteractions can be taken to limit them. 
Anything negative can be hurtful though, and many people like the compliment sandwich (compliment-insult-compliment), but I think it should be the appreciation sandwich. Either that or just appreciate people all the time and then when they need rebuking, they will know your intentions are good.
Oh bloggy blog I appreciate how well you listen! Sometimes you crash on me when I am trying to upgrade, but we both can work on that. I love how I can search you too and reread our conversations. I wish you all the best and hope to keep in touch more! … and do more proof reading! I’ve been sloppy lately (could be due to the time I write these)
Embarrass or Betrayal
03 years ago
What happens when I don’t really like telling people what I’m all about, what I do? I don’t think people value the same things, or believe me that I’m real about it. I want to change the world which seems to be laughable these days? I also want to try hard, which also seems to be against the flow? “You put on a tie?! We are in tshirts, stop being different.”
But then I could be differently motivated. I could be at the top. Impress people at their game, the cultural game. Yet I feel like I’d be contradicting myself; I’d betray my other values?
So what is in the middle?
I know I want to change the circumstances of my life, I want to move forward but does this come at a cost of where I’ve come? Maybe I can have different priorities now. That should be acceptable. If I am used to putting effort toward my career, and helping people as friends first, how do I change that? I have to give something up. I have to change my mode of attack. I have to work on other areas that have value too. “culture’s game” of the night life and the romance life is not without merit. Why can’t I just do it all? Or work on these areas?
I think it is safer to keep the priorities I’ve had than to make new ones. What happens if I’m not good at the new objectives? I know I’m not good at the new objectives. I don’t have any guides or a safety net. Maybe it’s just not me? How am I supposed to be a friend husband father and that if I can’t really make the initial stuff happen?
Nothing new here, but another list of self-help gibberish.
- Fight through inadequacies,
- Make my own priorities
- Pursue them at appropriate times
- Be willing to change, adapt
- Accept failure as an option
- Accept success as an option.
Specifically … (more…)
Start when you won’t stop
0
A lot of things have momentum. A diet has momentum. A habit has momentum. A relationship has momentum. A passion has momentum. An exercise routine has momentum.
If you start something that you can’t keep up, or continue, you will halt that momentum. You will feel the jerk back, it could be hard. How do you stop a rolling boulder? If you manage to stop it, do you think its easy to start again? The boulder grows, the weight increases. It’s not the same as when you started.
I think its best to start many things when you don’t need to stop. This saves the problem of stopping, and it saves the problem of weirdness when you have stopped, longing for it again? Trying to recall or reminisce. I think its best to just carry things out the first time.
Explore your path, goal, fairly and fully.
Start something when you are ready to see it through.
Redefine what something is, so it doesn’t end – or -
End something without starting it again.
Peace is not found in the herky-jerky.
