Archive for November, 2010

I dont like a lesson in the form of a phrase. It is not concise to say “what someone else values” but to say “others’ values” is sounds very clumsy. Does this matter? I value proper word choice but someone else probably does not care and is more annoyed with this bizarre opener.

Coinciding with my growing list of dealbreakers, I must turn the tables on myself because it is foolish to blame others for everything. If I was one of two, then half of the problems would be my fault. But as it stands I am one of one, so all the problems are mine! *brainsplode*

Back to the point, in order to make a functional relationship you have to understand what the other person values. If my nose is nonfunctional but someone I value wants every room to smell like garden meadows, then potpourri has some value to me by proxy.

The reason this is a major problem for single people or selfish people is because we have become accustomed to responding to the values born from our own nature and we dismiss ones from someone who has a much different nature. Many people look at someone with values they dont like, and just decide not to like that person or group of people. Watch any clichéd jocks vs nerds teen drama and this will be painfully obvious. Growing up with a brother and other guys, it was easy to respond to each other’s values because most of them were the same as our own. We generally valued competition, accomplishment, learning, sarcasm, silliness, and also politeness. What happens people value the opposite?. A communal, content, brainless, literal, straight forward, brash group has a mostly legitimate set of values and if I was put amongst them, it would benefit everyone if I could respond to their values and treat them accordingly. To not recognize, or to ignore the nature and values other people will cause friction and hardships.

To reflect on the preceding dealbreaker, if someone gives me a task I do not think is important. I still need to do it. It becomes that the person is important, and thusly the task is important. I do not believe I need develop an affection of bed-making, but it is from my connection to my mother that by proxy I felt it was important to make my bed. It just so happened as she rarely saw my bed, it was less and less important! huzzah. However if someone I valued, put a strong value on bedmaking, it would be respectful and responsible of me to inherit this value once again.

Sometimes I can deal with this issue well, but sometimes it does not go well at all. If a value is neutral then I am usually ok with it, but there are some I feel opposed to. I think Snooki is a great representation of retarded American pop culture and if someone wanted me to value such idiocy, I would have a large amount of internal conflict to wrestle with.

I think I need to follow the steps to find some common root value. I value humor and relaxation, so if someone finds humor in watching south park, and others in watching desperate housewives, I must at least respect the root value and learn to support either. I do not value excessive vanity, so if someone wants to buy an overly expensive decorative piece to one-up their peer and achieve elite status, I can not support such value. Most people know me to be easygoing and never get angry. But bad values make me angry to the point where I do a lot of internal screaming if they want me to subscribe and respect such values. To clarify, snobbery doesn’t really make me angry since I can walk down Madison Ave browsing thousand-dollar belts with no problem. If someone gets me involved by spending half my money and then tries to justify such action based on a bad value of snobbery, then I will get angry.

I would rather be single than to compromise by being attached or involved with what I oppose on a base value level. However, for the neutral values or even good ones, I don’t always recognize other people’s values, or even when they are made apparent to me, I don’t always respect them and put in enough effort to express my value in them as a person. This needs to improve.