What happens when I don’t really like telling people what I’m all about, what I do? I don’t think people value the same things, or believe me that I’m real about it. I want to change the world which seems to be laughable these days? I also want to try hard, which also seems to be against the flow? “You put on a tie?! We are in tshirts, stop being different.”

But then I could be differently motivated. I could be at the top. Impress people at their game, the cultural game. Yet I feel like I’d be contradicting myself; I’d betray my other values?

So what is in the middle?
I know I want to change the circumstances of my life, I want to move forward but does this come at a cost of where I’ve come? Maybe I can have different priorities now. That should be acceptable. If I am used to putting effort toward my career, and helping people as friends first, how do I change that? I have to give something up. I have to change my mode of attack. I have to work on other areas that have value too. “culture’s game” of the night life and the romance life is not without merit. Why can’t I just do it all? Or work on these areas?

I think it is safer to keep the priorities I’ve had than to make new ones. What happens if I’m not good at the new objectives? I know I’m not good at the new objectives. I don’t have any guides or a safety net. Maybe it’s just not me? How am I supposed to be a friend husband father and that if I can’t really make the initial stuff happen?

Nothing new here, but another list of self-help gibberish.

  • Fight through inadequacies,
  • Make my own priorities
  • Pursue them at appropriate times
  • Be willing to change, adapt
  • Accept failure as an option
  • Accept success as an option.

Specifically …

My blog is sometimes my only friend? I know I have friends, but if I need someone to talk to, I like telling my blog. And then my blog says nothing back and I dont really get anywhere, but I think I get somewhere? It doesn’t dwell in my head once I write it down but I don’t get any new insight or tips. I am still prone to the same amount of mistakes and my blog isn’t really … there… for me.

My social life is pretty dreary. I am able to function to some degree. I can be friendly I think. But I just don’t socialize well, its not easy. I don’t really want to do it. I just wish I could skip over that phase and have friends without having to meet them, or socialize. Hah.

I don’t have a car and this means I can’t really go do anything thats not in my area. Sporting teams are out the window, shopping is pretty limited too. Even where I am able to live is restricted.

I fail at teh womenz. That’s all i’m gonna say, because if you want any details, multiply your question by zero, and then you have the answer.

—
that being said I like myself, I like where I’ve come. I chose to be built this way, I think for the most part I am meant to be made this way. I can do a lot, I can help a lot of people. My shortcomings aren’t that important to me as my triumphs!