An open and frank declaration
accomplishing the inconsequential
Successful days on my own without breaking down… apx two weeks. and no longer counting.
I am doing great? I’ve had some accomplishments! I’m making progress at work, i can be friendly in various situations, I’ve cooked decent and cheap meals, bought and built sweet lookin solid metal/glass furniture. Umm oh and i got a bed and made a square frame with three pieces and didn’t even use one of them! Although that took me a day to figure out.
It feels really empty, like all these efforts crash down. I am doing very ordinary things. And they are for my own slight benefit. What overall difference is there between being a slob or a good bachelor? I think the output of my life would be pretty much the same if i just stayed home and did nothing. Any points I get are on the normal scale, and to me that scale is pretty useless. I’ve heard people’s goals to grow up, have a nice household with as few problems as possible and enjoy life. This to me is a waste. A purely normal life will get rounded down to zero. I hate the normal life because i want to be extranormal. (If i used the word, ordinary, my point would have been more smooth.)
I call my mom, write a facebook message and fire off a txt. This is the fruitful part of my week? So many things are drying up, i expected to talk to hometown-ers less but even internet-ers are distancing. I am an island?
I used to do my ‘ready for death’ checks to see if i needed to accomplish a goal, mend a relationship, be honest about something, overcome some struggle, …. before i felt ok about ending this life. I usually had to think for a while about all the things in my life and if they were all headed in a good direction before I felt i was ready to die.
Now I just think… of course I can die, well, aside from the feelings of my mother father brother, what else do I need to consider? My life is not even on the playing field of dealing with consequential matters — which is i guess the phase that I’m at in life. I have to build up to get to a place of eternal merit. Learning how to speak is ordinary and it certainly has been useful too. I’m just not used to being completely inconsequential.
[quote]A purely normal life will get rounded down to zero. I hate the normal life because i want to be extranormal. If i used the word, ordinary, my point would have been more smooth.[/quote]
-hugs-
I agree on that leading a normal life is a deeply disturbing thing to achieve, because it feels like you should have achieved something and then you haven’t and ought to have and it doesn’t make sense. Either it is one of those ideas left over from an old ideology or it really is useful. I cling to it, because if I didn’t I would question it and end up with the same question about the point of things. It doesn’t make a bad foundation after all, or a recommendation so long as you have a long list of goals and achievements.
[quote]Now I just think… of course I can die, well, aside from the feelings of my mother, what else do I need to consider? My life is not even on the playing field of dealing with consequential matters. [/quote]
No you can’t, you have an obligation not to according to Kant. If you could then I could kill you and that would create many problems…mostly because I don’t want to be allowed to kill people.
Nice post, spiffy title.