Two stories in here!

Sheridan says: A traveling magician was touring with a brigade of salesman one day
Sheridan says: he stopped at the town of Stalporva and asked for directions

Sheridan says: while the salesmen were selling various knick knacks to the people on the street
Sheridan says: one old lady named Barla bought a pencil sharpener from a tall awkward salesman
Sheridan says: Barla also had a wooden leg, but the salesman did not know that
Sheridan says: meanwhile Pedrak the magician was in the gas station talking to an attendant
Sheridan says: he was trying to understand the attendant who spoke a very vile east Canadian accent that is completely incomprehensible except for the words beer hockey and hoser
Sheridan says: Pedrak did not know this about east Canadians and proceeded back to his dodge neon with the salesmen following him
Sheridan says: Pedrak drove west towards where he thought the town of new pinktown was
Sheridan says: but instead he was headed east
Sheridan says: for the rival magician had reversed the entire gas station in a big magic trick
Sheridan says: the rival magician Tolped was not very well liked
Sheridan says: because his tricks were not particularly amusing or entertaining
Sheridan says: even though he had great skill that far surpassed pedrak
Sheridan says: anyway, the group was headed east
Sheridan says: and they found some giant hockey stick sticking into a street sign that was no longer readable
Sheridan says: because it had been hacked to pieces by that very hockey stick
Sheridan says: it was not a normal hockey stick, it had blades on the end, the kind that the underground street thugs would use to scare off any team of youth or kids to win the prized hockey blue cup
Sheridan says: the blue cup was notorious for its lack of rules and cutthroat play
Sheridan says: so the group of magician and salesmen turned on this road because Pedrak assumed that this was where the attendant was leading him
Sheridan says: but it led directly into a theme park that was abandoned
Sheridan says: except for one dark figure behind a bush
Sheridan says: by this time it was night
Sheridan says: and raining
Sheridan says: the salesman were driving convertibles and were too cheap to buy a roof
Sheridan says: so they wanted to go find a place to sleep for the night in the theme park
Sheridan says: under the shade of a building
Sheridan says: so Pedrak went in and scoped the place out. Everything looked fine so he found the merry go round and they all camped out there for the night
Sheridan says: in the dead of the night Pedrak woke up and saw a one legged figure wielding a giant hockey stick above their head with great delight
Sheridan says: also he noticed something mysterious about the carousel they were sleeping on
Sheridan says: in*
Sheridan says: each animal had been painted red…. but very poorly
Sheridan says: he then realized that it was not paint but blood! the salesmen had giant holes punctured into their body and tape around their mouth
Sheridan says: he chased the one legged creature and realized that the person infact had two legs, but one leg was very very thin and pointy at the end
Sheridan says: he caught up to what turned out to be the old lady Barla
Sheridan says: and she said she was also blind and thought she was playing hockey! the game she loved
Sheridan says: but it turns out that Tolped the evil magician tricked her by reversing her arena… and carousel in yet another lame trick that nobody was impressed
Sheridan says: Tolped used magic beans and planted them in the salesmen chest cavity so they would not die
Sheridan says: and now if you see a salesman with alfalfa sprouts growing out of their chest, watch out for sudden reversals of direction, because Tolped may be near by
Sheridan says: the end

—-
Me: i sat back down and noticed that i was sitting
Me: then i put my socks on
Me: at this point i was sitting
Me: but i was ready to go
Someone: with socks on…
Me: so i stood
Me: and then i looked to theleft
Me: and found more socks
Me: but i was wearing socks
Me: so i sat down
Someone: are we going somewhere with this?
Me: no this is my boring story